ever so once in a while...

someone comes along and takes your breath away.

ever so once in a while...

someone comes along and you feel like you can say anything and everything

even when the worst happens, some bonds can never be broken.

ever so very seldom...

someone brings you happiness,

someone who is both your love and best friend.



thank you

and it breaks my heart...

i remember 8 years ago when i was in sec 4, art fadzil came down to my school to conduct a songwriting clinic. but i got to know of it too late and i was quite bummed that i missed it. but the person who brought him in was my teacher. and she said she could pass me his email.

i had written a few songs by then and i was quite excited to know that i could get in contact with him. so i had written these 2 malay songs right after a breakup. i thought they were quite good. haha! at the time i never really saw a future in music. i thought i'd just study and be an engineer or something. but i wanted his opinion on my songs. i had no expectations whatsoever. he's someone i look up to and i wanted to know his thoughts.

and so i sent him the songs. and he replied!!! he said that my songs had an indonesian feel to them and that i should never stop writing. "it's a noble thing" he said. it was really sort of like a bigger brother handing down some advice. he was encouraging in every way and gave me some links to music and copyright websites. i thought that was really cool of him.

i took his advice and never stopped writing. and now 8 years later, i find my name right underneath his in a promotional poster for Kaki5 Folk Akustika.

i can't help but feel grateful for the opportunity and wonder what the 8-years-ago me would've thought of this. i won't say that i've come a long way. because there's still so much to do.

but what i do know is that i'm headed in the right direction.

i'm getting there. insya'Allah.


Two nights of Malay Folk Music. At Esplanade Concourse. Admission is free Wednesday 22nd Oct. 08 7.15pm - 8.45pm Art Fazil Yunos Erksan Rowell Sakti
Thursday 23rd Oct. 08 7.15pm - 8.45pm Banjir Bromo Adha Tengku Adil


be there for some musical magic. :)

i felt that i didn't really have a good ramadhan. sure i fasted. but that's not even close to what ramadhan is all about. my mind was mostly on schoolwork and other worldly things. time zoomed by and it was raya before i knew it...

but somehow... something happened...

on the morning of raya, my mind felt clear. my heart felt clear. i felt so light and it felt like i finally understood something... i just don't know what that something is.

i still feel the same way now. in a way, i almost feel like a new person. i feel so contented... but i don't know what i'm contented about.

could it be that i've stopped stressing about my album because i've decided to do something about it?

could it be that i know exactly what i need to do for my school work?

could it be that i'm simply just happy and thankful for all my blessings?

could it be everything?

maybe... maybe not...

i think this syawal has not just cleared my mind, but it has also opened my heart. i feel at peace but still with a sense of purpose. i feel less burdened but i'm aiming for big things.

the israk mikraj comes in many different ways to different people. i feel this is one of mine. this could be my miracle of the holy month of ramadhan. Alhamdulillah.

i've always felt the need to be by myself from time to time.

just time to be away from it all so i can hear myself. so i can breathe. so i can learn.

a lot of people don't understand why. how could you be alone?

i have a lot of friends and i'm hardly the anti-social type. and sometimes they ask me out and i let them down. they may think that i'm snobbish or simply un-fun. and quite frankly half the time i let them down, i actually had work to do. the other half is just me being home.

i like being home. it's not because i lock myself up in my room or anything like that. i actually like it. i'll walk around the house, talk to my parents, read something, hog the computer, play guitar. when i have the inspiration, i write. i find that my mind is most clear when i'm home. i have the freedom to either do my work or zone out. and i have the freedom to enjoy a quiet day at home or go out and meet friends.

whereas when i'm outside... there's a lot of stuff to think about. like when am i going home. haha! or how do i get home. or how to diffuse this situation. or how to get rid of this annoying person. or how to seem really cool when you're actually an idiot. or where to go next.

most people embrace these distractions and it may actually help them escape from whatever troubles they might have. maybe i'm not a very troubled person. heh... and i find my peace and quiet at home. or maybe i think too much and i like being home because i can do a lot of that. when i'm outside, i have to constantly think about what's going on around me. and the grandiouse questions of life in my head don't get answered.

of course, i love my friends. it's always fun. but sometimes i just need to take a step back you know? and ponder the mysteries of the universe. heh... i enjoy meeting new people and you may know some people very well... but how well do you actually know yourself? and if you don't know yourself, how can you know anything else in this world?

a counterpoint to all this is my love for travelling. i'm not talking about pasir ris to yew tee. i'm talking about the world. being in a different country is a different experience altogether and most of the time it can be a humbling experience. this is when being out of the house marries with getting to know yourself. because you are taken out of your comfort zone and seeing how people are the same species but so different in many ways. singaporeans need to travel more! ESPECIALLY SINGAPOREANS. i've made it a point to bring my family around the world... urmm.. when i have one of course... and if i have money... HAHA

so you see... sometimes i just like being at home. it's not because i'm snobbish or because i'm lazy...

i'm just searching for whatever it is i may be looking for

i'm just a teardrop in the sea

current state of well-being:

1. School; collaborations with 2 dancers, song-arranging assignment and dissertation project

2. Reading; Recording The Beatles

3. Sonofa; rehearsals this week and performance this weekend

4. Album; airplay is at a standstill but support is gathering. looking forward to the esplanade performance next month

5. recording and mixing mr wrapper

6. tries to make as much time for family and friends


so amidst all this... here i am sitting down and blogging on my laptop... i have half a mind to play a computer game since it's 2 more hours til i have to get ready for class. but what happens most of the time is that i don't feel like doing work and i wanna play a game. but i'd think and think about it for a long while then i decide not to because i'd feel guilty since i actually have work to do. work which i don't feel like doing.

so in the end... i end up doing nothing...

but oh yea... i blog...

;p

sometimes i wonder about the kind of guy i am and the kind of girl i'd end up with. i'm 24. i'll be finishing school in a year and i have no idea what i'll do after that.

teach? unexciting

open a studio? i need money

be a full-time musician? maybe if i weren't staying in singapore

so i just realised that i've digressed from my opening sentence. ANYWAYS

a lot of times i wonder about how people see me. i think everyone does. it's only human nature. but maybe i'm starting to wonder more about how the opposite sex sees me. i was reading this sentence about a guy being described as 'magnetic'. i think that's a nice way to be described. not exactly straight-out sexually attractive or george clooney charming but just... magnetic.

so some guys are just charming and can make you fall head over heels. but i wouldn't call that magnetic.

and some guys have a way of getting attention. but if you have to actually do something, then that's not magnetic either.

girls can be magnetic as well. but in my lifetime i think i've only come across 3 or 4 magnetic girls. ok it's starting to sound funny. haha... but yea... i think it's not easy to come by.

it's closer to... being a warm person. and when you're warm and people talk to you and they like talking to you. and it's not a flirting or sexual thing. you just have a glow because you're who you are. you're sincere. and people can see that without really thinking about it. they just start talking and talking. and you can talk about anything even though you've just met.

if my ramblings made any sense at all... you'd have a rough idea of what magnetic is.

what a nice way to be described.... magnetic...

i'd like to meet someone magnetic...