a teardrop in the sea

i've always felt the need to be by myself from time to time.

just time to be away from it all so i can hear myself. so i can breathe. so i can learn.

a lot of people don't understand why. how could you be alone?

i have a lot of friends and i'm hardly the anti-social type. and sometimes they ask me out and i let them down. they may think that i'm snobbish or simply un-fun. and quite frankly half the time i let them down, i actually had work to do. the other half is just me being home.

i like being home. it's not because i lock myself up in my room or anything like that. i actually like it. i'll walk around the house, talk to my parents, read something, hog the computer, play guitar. when i have the inspiration, i write. i find that my mind is most clear when i'm home. i have the freedom to either do my work or zone out. and i have the freedom to enjoy a quiet day at home or go out and meet friends.

whereas when i'm outside... there's a lot of stuff to think about. like when am i going home. haha! or how do i get home. or how to diffuse this situation. or how to get rid of this annoying person. or how to seem really cool when you're actually an idiot. or where to go next.

most people embrace these distractions and it may actually help them escape from whatever troubles they might have. maybe i'm not a very troubled person. heh... and i find my peace and quiet at home. or maybe i think too much and i like being home because i can do a lot of that. when i'm outside, i have to constantly think about what's going on around me. and the grandiouse questions of life in my head don't get answered.

of course, i love my friends. it's always fun. but sometimes i just need to take a step back you know? and ponder the mysteries of the universe. heh... i enjoy meeting new people and you may know some people very well... but how well do you actually know yourself? and if you don't know yourself, how can you know anything else in this world?

a counterpoint to all this is my love for travelling. i'm not talking about pasir ris to yew tee. i'm talking about the world. being in a different country is a different experience altogether and most of the time it can be a humbling experience. this is when being out of the house marries with getting to know yourself. because you are taken out of your comfort zone and seeing how people are the same species but so different in many ways. singaporeans need to travel more! ESPECIALLY SINGAPOREANS. i've made it a point to bring my family around the world... urmm.. when i have one of course... and if i have money... HAHA

so you see... sometimes i just like being at home. it's not because i'm snobbish or because i'm lazy...

i'm just searching for whatever it is i may be looking for

i'm just a teardrop in the sea