"true soulmates are but one soul dwelling in two bodies"

i read that from a book a long long time ago. i think i might've gotten a bit of it wrong but urrmmm.. sounds just about right eyyy.

i've been pondering... about the person i'm destined to spend my life with.

whose identity i do not know yet. heh...

i know i'm 24 but i really haven't even begun to think about settling down. there's still so much to do.

but deep down inside of me is a hopeless romantic. and also someone who wants to raise a family someday. my vision of life in 10 years' time: a wonderful wife, kids i can dote on, a nice home and of course a stable income. sounds simple enough? it is soooooo the opposite. starting with this.

so where is my soulmate?

so how do you know if this person is someone you're gonna spend the rest of your life with?

i mean like do you try hard to make it work? but if you're soulmates, then shouldn't everything flow nicely?

ok i may sound ridiculous but i'm sure some of you have had these ridiculous thoughts too. but that's only the surface. the truth is...

i would like to be in love with one person for the rest of my life.

i find so much comfort knowing that there is someone out there for me. i just don't know who or maybe probably haven't even met her yet.

i'm not being selfish. i know of heartache.

but i know all the heartache would be worth it if it leads me to her.

Hello soulmate. My name is Adil. i hope to know of your name someday. i'm sure it would be beautiful. please take care of yourself. get enough rest and drink lots of water. i hope i will have enough money to bring you on a nice honeymoon and get a nice house. and also a nice big tv. or we could have a nice kitchen instead if you want. i think i have a bit of OCD but i will try to curb them if it annoys you. and i'm sorry if i'm blur and zone out at times. but i know that i will love you, and you will love me.

Your soulmate
Adil

recently i've been thinking of people. however it is that they act or watever it is that they say. it may or may not be important. and sometimes you choose to try to ignore these things but it lingers at the back of your mind. and if a few people have said it, then it becomes a linger with an echo. and you try not to be affected by it but you can't.

so do the people around you define who you are?

it should be that YOU define who you are. but the reality is that everyone wants to be liked or noticed. and so this is the thin line where if crossed, you'll start believing what people say and that becomes you. some people bask in it and some people are disgusted. it's really how you handle it. if you're strong enough and you know yourself well, then there is nothing to be worried about.

the people whose opinions should matter are your family, true friends and God. ok so technically God isn't a person and He doesn't literally say things to you. but if you listen hard enough, you just might.

i believe in my friends and the people i know. and i know that they believe in me.

i may not be a pious person or the best kind of person. but i know myself. i am aware of the things i do. i don't know why but oftentimes i feel a kind of heavy burden. that perhaps i am not doing enough. or maybe i'm being too hard on myself.

you can hear what people may say. but you should only listen to yourself.

have faith in yourself. for i have faith in you.

my thoughts are a mess.

let me untangle them.

ok i'm gonna tell u ppl something that i do sometimes and it may seem narcissistic but i don't do it to gloat. i do it to find out what ppl say abt me or my music.

ok here it is...

ready...

set...



i google my name


ok now u know me a bit better. HAHA.

hey if i could be more of a musician and less of a public figure then i would. but these two go hand in hand if u want ur music to be heard. the least i could do is work on my musicianship... in hiding... heh...

sooooo aaaanyways... while traversing the world wide web, i stumbled upon my primary schmate's blog. she had a post about the times in primary sch and i was really amazed at her thoughts. and also the fact that she remembered sooo many things that i cannot remember. even the ones abt me. and i can't believe that she thought the way she did when she was that young. i must've been like a caveman in her eyes. haha!

but seriously.... well... it could be e whole puberty thing.. like girls maturing faster than guys. seems like e right age too. like 11-12.

and she went on abt how e guys always bullied e girls. and i felt depressed right there and then. like e girls were apparently really affected by it. :( hmmm... i guess i was annoying. but i didn't know better. i think between 10-13 for guys is like e age of confusion. like halfway through, u don't know whether u're teasing or flirting. and you think u've gotten weird so you tease girls even more to feel secure about yourself. plus u're cool if u could annoy girls.

so like after 13 or so then u find out that it's actuali ok to flirt and like girls. and then can SOUND STEADY.

AAAAAAAHAAHAHHAHAA

k anyways.

so yea.. i think for my friend, that was her period of growth. urrrmmm... no pun on e period yea. so mayb she remembers things more vividly. that time came like at 15 for me i think. and when i think about it, i go like "what the hell was i thinking??" haha...

i remembered in pri 5, i'd walk up and down the class the way ace ventura walked. and i'd make faces and voices. and i'd think i was funny. when in actuality all i was was an annoying kid. haha... and when i transfered to another pri sch i remember feeling bummed bcos e guys n girls were starting to like each other in my former sch. and on my first day at the new sch, a group of girls wanted to meet me during recess. i thought they wanted to beat me up. HAHA. i was e onli one wearing blue in the sea of beige and i hated it.

but yea... i think things happen for a reason. i wasn't doing too well in my studies. it got a lot better after i transfered. and like i got to go for two primary sch camps. haha!

i remember a certain teacher calling me a dreamer in class...

some things never change... :)

urmmm i deleted my previous post.. bcos urmmm.. i din like it when i read it again later. HAHA! anyways i was trying to work on my animation and i hav no inspiration or motivation watsoever. so i tot i'd do a bit of blogging and then try to get back into it.

just to summarise my deleted post.. well basically my car broke down. like e battery died. haha... i was sending 2 of my frens home. one MARIAM and one BECCA. these 2 girls were supposed to have a SLEEPOVER. but lo and behold... they din. haha... mariam broke my car by e way. she teased the clutch and gear stick and so my car decided not to work after that. but she smart. she made e car break down after i dropped her off. haha... e car broke down in sengkang, at becca's blk but luckily my sister lives nearby and my bro-in-law came to jump start e car. so it was an interesting nite. i kept laughing at e situation. becca was nice enuf to wait it out wif me. thank u! mariam was nice enuf to take credit for breaking e car. haha! but it's ok mariam! e car din break down yest! ;p

so yea... God looks out for you in e most unexpected of ways. Thank You.

yesterday i checked out this band from sch playing at e esplanade. The London Fog. i'm quite impressed. they've got gd writing and melody. AND I REALLY WANTED TO GET UP ON STAGE AND PLAAAAAYYYY!!!! haha.. i hope i get to perform at e esplanade one day. insya'Allah

i play in a guitarless and drumless metal band called THE MARIAMS.

i'm sorry... i ended up driving btw.. had to do some errands...

recently i've been listening to a lot of indo songs. well generally malaysia's Era station. it' s my research!! i normally listen to english stations when i'm driving but i've made it a point to listen to Era instead so i wun be a blur cock when it comes to current malay songs. and also to be familiar with e artistes.

OH U NOE E DONATION THINGY THAT I WAS TALKING ABT IN MY RECENT POST?! TURNS OUT THE PEN WASN'T FOR CHARITY!!!! it's for some business shit. WWAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! i just read the packaging. wasted 2 bucks on a dodgy person n it wasn't even for a gd cause.

i relli shld pay more attention b4 trying to get rid of ppl... :/

i haf a photoshoot tmrw n somehow i'm not relli feeling excited or anything. i think it's bcos my head is filled wif thoughts of yet-to-be-done assignments. bleargh...

yesterday at pasir ris mrt, there was this malay guy who was selling pens for charity. normally nobody would bother me bcos i'd hav my earphones on. but as i walked past him, i could see his eyes following me. then he came up in front of me and said ," awak tengku adil kan? yang main guitar? that time i was at the show wif imran ajmain." i just smiled n said yes. THEN he asked me to buy one of his pens. i asked which charity is it for but he mumbled and looked at me weird. i relli couldn't be bothered to layan him so i just whipped out 2 bucks n took e pen. he asked whether he could hav my number but i was like "urrmmm i'm sorry."

i'm telling u, this guy looked relli dodgy. he's a malay guy doing 'charity work' n he has a stud on his ear. that's relli not e way to carry urself when u want ppl to make a donation. n he prolly knew that he looked dodgy bcos he din try asking for my email or anything after i turned him down. n he said he was doing it part time. OY!

dun get e wrong idea, i'm all up for donations n stuff but pls look appropriate when u're doing ur job. you are a representative n the first thing ppl see is e way u look.

and if u're ashamed n say u're onli doing this part time, then dun bloody do it.

welcome to Port Royal Mr Smith....

i dun believe i remember being sooooo sleepy during lessons this semester. haha... super mendak nak mampos.

it's nice talking to ppl from ur earlier yrs. it almost feels like u've time travelled. back to e days when u were carefree n u wonder who u'd bump into during recess. haha... some ppl u din relli talk to back then but u've become friends now. but for me i think i hardly kept in contact wif frens from my sec sch. i guess deep down inside i felt tt i din relli belong.

i used to contemplate e person i was. but not anymore.

i like the person i am.